Hi! Not sure if it helps at all, but my SD is 12 and we are in the process of getting her tested for ADHD and autism and it’s certainly a roller coaster! But she’s very high functioning and doesn’t have issues forming bonds, in fact the opposite! She’s with us full time and calls me mum, despite still seeing bio mum twice monthly. the ADHD and Autism issues have become more apparent and more difficult to manage as she’s got older, and only recently became obvious as girls tend to mask. Are you getting support? Happy to chat if you need an ear x

So difficult for you to deal with and I don’t really have any advice I’m afraid. I’m sure things will settle down as they get older. Do your bio children get long with your step children? My SD sometimes gets confused with the things her bio mum tells her, as it’s different to what we tell her, but her bio mu lies to her and always has done. Once she went on holiday and didn’t tell my SD that she had gone, but my SD FaceTimed her and asked her where she was and she told her that she was just at home. We sat there, knowing full well that she was sunning herself abroad and hadn’t wanted to take my SD with her!! It’s unbelievable.

Ah ok, so do your three children live with you full time too?

Yes, for me it did help that she admitted that, but it’s still super frustrating as she doesn’t want her child full time, yet she doesn’t want me to fill the space she’s left either. Everyone says she’s jealous that her daughter calls me mum and I get to do all the things she should be doing, but that was her choice. So I try my best to make my peace with it, but it’s not always easy. It sounds very much like you need to have a very open and honest conversation with your husband, stay calm and ask him just to listen, and explain how unwell this is making you. It sounds like she needs a lot of help and maybe he can talk to her about how it’s impacted you and the boys. Do you and your husband have children together?

Of course you love them, and they are extremely lucky to have you. It’s not easy refocusing, and I definitely don’t do it all the time, today has been an example of when I didn’t manage it! But we can’t be Mary Poppins all the time and we shouldn’t put that pressure on ourselves to be anything other than what we are. Maybe, next time she’s coming to the house and you feel yourself getting tense, take yourself to a quiet room, away from everyone, take some deep breath’s and just remind yourself that you love the kids and they are lucky to have you. Repeat it a few times, then if you feel better you can go back out with your head held high, knowing that you are being the mum they need. Some people just aren’t meant to be parents. My SD’s bio mum openly admitted to us that she shouldn’t have been a mum at all, and that she doesn’t want to be a full time mum… yet still thinks it’s acceptable to make me feel bad for wanting to fill that role she refused to take. Stay strong x

Oh dear, sounds awful. She’s obviously very bitter about it all and doesn’t have the respect for you that you deserve. You are bringing up her children! Are you able to find anything good in the situation to help you refocus? I’ve had to force myself to do that as my husban‘s ex wife has been so awful to me it has a huge impact on how I react to any situation to do with her, but refocusing my energy helps a little.

Hi. You sound like an amazing person, that must be so hard, only seeing your biological child half the time, must be gut wrenching when he’s not with you. But to take on three children who have been through such an awful experience shows what a truly wonderful person you are, so you need to try and remember that in the tough times.

Hi. This sounds very stressful and not good for your step children. Can you talk to their father about it? Do you have much contact with their mother? X

Hi! Similar ages to mine - SD12 and one bio daughter 5! It’s going ok, sadly quite a lot more ups than downs sometimes, but that’s thanks to a controlling and unpleasant ex wife! How about you? I imagine it’s different having a SS? Hope things are good though!