I became a step mum at 33. My SDs were 16 and 14. I knew the eldest was going to be hard work before I met her as every friend/relative I met would ask my partner “have you introduced “daughter” yet? And would then proceed to tell me how protective she was of her dad and jealous etc.
I knew from the moment I met her that I would never like her. I know that sounds mean but she was such a spoilt kid and an attention seeker and would manipulate her sister and anyone else who took her fancy.
Fast forward 8 months and I move in with my partner. 4 days before move in day, the BM and eldest SD had a row and BM kicked her out. I had no say in it and I had no option but to go with the new full time SM role for the next 3 years.
In those 3 years my SD caused so much drama and problems for us and would make my life a misery at any given opportunity. I stuck around as I love my partner and knew that she would not live with us forever.
Which is where we are now. She is in her mid 20’s, lives with her boyfriend and seems to have turned her life around and has been making a real effort with me lately too. She adores her two little sisters (we have a 4 year old and 2 year old) and my partner and family are over the moon to have their little girl back.
Me? Well, I’m just not there yet. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I’ll ever be. I know she’s trying but I’m constantly waiting for her old ways to come back and I’m scared to let my guard down as she caused me so much trauma for too many years.
my partner understands. I just need time to trust her. But my MIL is constantly pulling me up on it and says I’m making my partner ill and shouldn’t put him in this predicament and I should not hold on to things she did to me as a teenager and I’m looking for things when they’re not there etc.
How should I handle this? Grin and bare it? Avoid her when possible? Lie to my partner and MIL? Or just get over it and learn to trust again?
I told my MIL last night that I think it’s best she doesn’t bring SD with me again as we’re not reading off the same page at the moment and I didnt want to fall out.