Anyone been there & done that?
My husband and I are considering going to mediation to get a parenting plan in place as his ex is an extremely high conflict personality, engages in parental alienation etc etc, and there’s currently no legal documents in place - they were never married so obvs there was no divorce.
I’d be really grateful for anyone taking the time to share their experiences of mediation here. Was it useful? Worth the money? Did you get the results you wanted?
Only the 2 parents are allowed to be present. BM was being stubborn and so he came away with an agreement that she put forward as she refused to budge and allow SS to live equally between both of his homes. I don't mean to dishearten you but don't expect much joy from mediation. Nearly 5 years on and she still refuses to allow SS to live equally between both of his homes for no reason other than she's "not happy with that."
I wish you every success! I know how hard this is. Be kind to yourselves and just keep fighting, supporting your child and being there for them in every way that you can. One day they will grow to see what transpired and know the unconditional love and support you provided all whilst dealing with the negativity from BM.
Great advice Nietta - out of interest, are you allowed to record mediation sessions?
Morning Sarah! I've worked in mediation and work in coparenting coaching so hope I can help you out... Bare with me!
MEDIATION can be fantastically helpful at bridging the communication issues between one parent and a high conflict parent.
It's important to understand that it is not a legal procedure.
Anything you agree in mediation can be broken or not adhered too. If you want what you have agreed too enforced you must take it to a court and have it court ordered.
The mediator is unbias. Please do not feel disheartened if some of them come across 'cold'. They are there to take the emotions away and mediate based on facts.
Keep your cool. Be prepared for a high conflict coparent to lie or manipulate. Always keep a cool head and work in facts rather than emotion.
If it is a zoom mediation, make sure you are sat comfortably with no background noise and good lighting.
Have a cup of tea/coffee and bottle of water present so you don't need to get up-and wee first! 😂
If your partner doesn't want to be on screen with his coparent he can request shuttle mediation. This is where they are both in screen for the mediator but his screen will be the mediator and himself. There is no direct contact between himself and his coparent. The mediator goes back and forth between the two of them.
This is usually a good option if he feels tensions may flare or there could be upset. It also means you can speak freely with the mediator without the coparent listening.
Have notes of things you want to address before you start. It helps keep you focused and on track and ensures you don't get to the end of the session with missed agenda.
If he is nervous, or is prone to nervous fidgeting, have that pen and paper there! It's a calming way to release nervous energy and he can jot down anything said in the meeting.
Those are my top tips, but please feel free to reach out if you'd like any help or are worried...
I hope it goes well for you both and he gets some kind of outcome that works for your family.
Nietta-