That sounds really tough!

It's so different for everyone. I also knew my husband's late wife, she was a childhood friend, but the way her family have behaved has caused a lot of hurt for everyone involved which has made it more painful than it needed to be. The important thing is also to establish yourselves as a family and not feel like you are living in someone else's shadow. That may mean taking them down for a period of time until everyone feel settled and you have established your own dynamic, and then putting some up amongst your own. Whatever you do though, it's important to make sure it's communicated to everyone and everyone has been able to share their thoughts and feelings. It's surprising how easy it is for adults and kids to jump to conclusions about someone else's motives when it is such an emotive situation!

You need to do what is right for you as a family and be honest about how you feel about them. Some people seem to be happy to have them up, I think I would really struggle. My husband and stepdaughter moved house whilst we were dating and so my stepdaughter took them down and then they just didn't go up in the new house. She has only just wanted photos of her mum up as hasn't in the past and so has them up in her room. There are so many things like this to navigate, it is so easy to ignore your feelings and think you have to do what everyone else wants, but in my experience that can just make everything harder. I think one of the challenges of our situation is the guilt we associate to our own feelings about things! It's definitely a gamechanger to talk to someone else who gets those feelings!

Yes yes yes, I definitely experienced this! Before we got married/moved in I had loads of sleepless nights due to anxiety, and I’m not usually someone to get anxious. I’ve found guilt and anxiety have been huge factors in the last couple of years. Are you moving into the former family home or have they moved since your partner was widowed? Maybe we need a WhatsApp support group!

Hi! My husband was a widower when we met and I am now stepmum to his 13 year old daughter. We got married last year so it’s still fairly new…but it is incredibly tough! How are you getting on? Is there anything particular you are finding challenging or it would help to chat about? x