We just separated. He wasn't willing to listen to any advice or go to counselling. His daughter now has a mental health team around her at school. I had to separate to do the best thing for my kids. I listened to the podcast last night and everything she said about Disney dad is him.

@Lulu that's a good idea!! Thanks foe your support!

@Lulu I 100% agree it is guilt, he even agrees it's guilt. I have tried to recommend counselling. He's not quite ready to accept that yet.

@Lulu so we've swapped our own children so now they come on differ weekends, which is a shame but it means he's 'in charge' one weekend when his daughter comes and I am when I have my daughter for the weekend. It's that or separate. Though he's come to realisation she's needs so some of therapy

@stepmumspace yes I'd love to do the workshop. I try to explain to him all the time and I think it's slowly sinking in but he struggles to see past face value and in that moment where bribing her with sweets helps! Thank

I tried. I suggested the same bedtime routine we do for my 8 year old. He replied, if my 9 year old daughter wants to stay up until 9 or 9.30 on a weekend, she can! However we go to bed about 10 so I was trying to explain it leaves us with no quality time, but he just insists the same thing... I don't see her often. He also likes to let her eat whatever she requests, the last request was a handful of maoam sweets (having already eaten some in the day), and various blue slushy at 8pm. How do I explain to my child, I'm sorry, you aren't having that before bed. It's no one's birthday, no special occasion; it's just his daughter get special treatment when she comes. How did you both get over it?! We are on the verge off splitting up. The weekends she comes makes me so anxious because nothing is consistent or if I tell her off, like my own child, that's not OK!

This is what is happening, he's being her friend and I can only see that when she is a teenager it will get worse as they'll be no respect at all. I am a teacher so was disaplining, but he decided to then undermine me because I wasn't fun enough and my boundaries were too consistent and 'sometimes they don't need to tidy up' etc

Mimes explained why he does it (because he doesn't see her very often). Though this is also because she struggles with her behaviour due to the trauma she's been through, so he also says he doesn't want her to kick off. It just doesn't sit right as a good example to my other kids. I've explained, we've talked and he just can't see my point of view.