Ah thank you. I didn’t realise how much I needed my effort acknowledged by ANYONE until I saw your reply. I will keep going with the detaching. I appreciate you taking the time to reassure me I’m doing the right thing.

I hear you, sister. Same with my SD. she’s an adult now, not a child and you are not responsible for her happiness. Withdraw yourself to protect yourself. Don’t message her if she doesn’t reply - she’s manipulating you like the seasoned coercive controller that she is. Step back. Smile happily when you see her, ask her how she is, make all the right noises and then exit stage left to the shops, cinema, gym or whatever. When your MIL speaks to you, deny all knowledge of any bad feeling on your side, big smile and say you have a FABULOUS relationship with the SD. Then exit stage left to the shops, cinema etc.