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Anyone out there?😂

Hey everyone,

29 yo stepmum to a little girl for the past three years with my own bio son, share 50/50 custody at the moment but has been full time for the first two years. I feel like I could write a novel. Would love to meet someone in the same boat, I have yet to meet anyone who is my age who is also a stepmum and looking for someone who understands a little bit how complex and stressful this experience can be - it really is something you have to experience to understand right? 😄

19 answers0 replies

19 Comments

Quicktimestepmum

Aug 13

I'm 33 and just become a step mum to a wonderful 2 (nearly 3) year old.

We pretty much have him full time and before this I was perpetually single.

Here for the same reason, because I am exhausted. It's so complex, his ex is a nightmare and treats my SS as a second thought constantly which makes me angry, makes my partner angry but now he gets frustrated at me because I get angry and I just don't know what to say or do for the best sometimes and the massive change is just so overwhelming.!

Quicktimestepmum

Aug 03

We are here clearly! Step Mum to a wonderful 2 year old little boy and literally just found this forum!

33 (does that still count as young?!)

Still getting used to the title.

I love him to pieces but sometimes it's just so stressful with his mum's decisions!

Char

Feb 21

I am 34, and I have been a step mum since I was 30 - so for the last four years. My step children are now ages 9,14 and 16. There is a 12 year age gap between me and my partner which has its challenges and unfortunately he is unable to have any more children. I have find this somewhat extremely difficult being a step mum to his three children and knowing I will be unable to have biological children myself. I deal with this by not telling anyone of my situation and changing the situation if someone asks if I want my own kids. I find the conversation too difficult.

I have found myself moving 20 miles away (not to far) away from my home town where I have all my family and friends and living in an unfamiliar town in what was his and ex wifes forever home. It can be very isolating at times. My friends in the last couple of years have all started having children and I somewhat feel left out of their 'mums club' and none of my friends have step children and therefore have a lack of understanding and empathy towards my situation. They all support each other and tell each other what good job they are doing and I feel like step mums don't always get the recognition we deserve.

We have equal custody of the children on a week on and week of basis and the ex can be somewhat difficult.

I wouldn't change my situation as I love my partner and my step children to bits however it does feel good to write this down and share with other step mums xx

Khawkes1

Feb 22

Replying to

I totally understand this. in the same situation with my friends and I get it feels isolating you’re not on your own feeling like this .

Char

Feb 22

Replying to

It's so nice to hear someone else understand what your going through - it really helps

Khawkes1

Feb 23

Replying to

I know, I was relieved to read some of these messages knowing I wasn’t actually being selfish and going mad lol. As good as my partner is he doesn’t understand at all

Khawkes1

Jan 13

Hi all,

what a relief to find this group.

I have just been watching Good Morning Britain and heard step mums suffer more anxiety and depression than biological mothers. This was actually nice to hear. I am 32 and step mum to a now 18yr old and 16 year old both girls, I have no biological children so this was a rapid learning experience. They have been in my life for 3 years and Jake and I are getting married later this year. After having a step mum myself at this age i am hyper sensative to what I can are can’t say knowing well that If I tell them off inappropriately I will never be forgiven 🤣 where as a biological mother can (and she does) what she likes. generally they are good well behaved young adults but my god when those hormones get going I thank god my partner has the patience I don’t. We have a great relationship and family life but it hasn’t been without some very high but very low points for me and my partner just doesn’t understand at all that despite trying and all of my friends are starting there own families with their own biological babies. sometimes I feel like I’m being unreasonable about my feelings as I have zero people close to me in the same situation sooooo huge sorry for this long message but I’m very happy to see you all 😂

Kirstie

Ariane

Dec 01, 2022

Hi there!

I'm 35 now and 3 years ago my own son was 4 and I became a stepmom of 3 (then 5yo boy, 11yo boy, 14yo girl). At the time both me and my partner had 50/50 custody. After a few months of dating, the mother of his children ended her life. Since then I'm a full-time stepmom and part time mom... It's so hard to have my step kids around ALL the time and only seeing my bio son half of the time. I struggle a lot, lots of crying, disengaging, frustration, ... It's a lot to handle but at the same time there's so much love ❤️ My partner really makes it all worth it. I feel like I can talk to him about anything without shame and he really listens. I don't know if it will get easier, but reading all your comments, I'm glad I'm not the only one 🤗

lauren.elizabeth.thorns

Nov 30, 2022

Hello I'm Lauren, 30 and could write several novels on life as a step mum 🥴

Step mum to 14 year old and 8 year old girls for 7 years and just had a newborn baby.

Also happy to connect to anyone in a similar boat :)

Lauren

stepmumsocialclub

Nov 30, 2022

31 and mum to (almost) 3, stepmum to 4, ages between 4-15.

There are some of us who walked in to the crazy life young 😂

Nietta @stepmumsocialclub

Gabby

Nov 30, 2022

Replying to

Wow, you are a busy momma! And with such a range of ages too! Looking back to who I was 3 years ago with no kids and just having fun to now with two children it feels like two very different lives. I sometimes wonder what my life would look like if I had never met my partner, the choice to have our own baby was much easier as we were already in the routine of a child but it’s also a big transition that I didn’t consider- nor did I really consider it when I first met him and became a stepmom 😂

it’s a crazy club we probably didn’t realised just how crazy 😂

Gabby xx

nicola

Nov 30, 2022

Hey Gabby!

I’m 27 and a step mum to a 7 year old and have been for about 4 years, we have her 50:50. It most certainly is the hardest job ever and I also don’t have anyone that’s going through the same thing and don’t want to sound horrible when I do want to complain! You for sure don’t know until you go through it. My step daughter shows no love, to me, her dad or to anyone around her (not even her mum) which makes it very hard as I am a very loving person and it‘s hard to build a stronger bond without that immediate family connection. Xx

Gabby

Nov 30, 2022

Replying to

Hey Nicola!

So lovely to hear from you as it seems your experience is much the same as mine- my SD is 7 too and with 50:50 custody!

Do you find people are shocked when they hear about the custody, I find most people presume you have the odd weekend or mid-week night. I sometimes find myself explaining the custody to almost feel I have to validate my role in her life? does that make sense?

It is so hard too as a stepmom to find people who really understand especially when there has been so much going on that you would almost have to sit down for an hour for anyone to truly understand, it makes it hard for people then to relate. And I get that you don’t want to sound horrible when you complain, I feel that too. I think it’s because our support system is mainly other women who chances are are probably the bio mum of children or know bio mums of children so naturally see things from their perspective and at times don’t consider the step mums position.

that must be so hard that your SD doesn’t show love to any of her caregivers, have you any idea of why that is? xx

georgia.ejc

Nov 30, 2022

Hiya

I hear you about writing a novel!

Im 33, became a step mum to my partners now 9 year old girl 2 years ago. We have 50/50 custody.

So many emotions. Every single one.

Toughest part has been balancing how involved to get as I have felt so much love to give but of course I am not bio mum and her bio mum is very controlling, so I have had to step back a bit for my own wellbeing.

Now early stage pregnant with my own and wondering how all of that will pan out!

This space has been amazing to feel less alone. You do have to experience it to get how complex it is! Xx

Gabby

Nov 30, 2022

Replying to

Hi Georgia!

thanks so much for replying, I’m genuinely shocked at how many people are in the same boat! I get All of the emotions - It would take a paragraph to even start to try to explain but I know everyone understands.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I have a son with my partner who is nearly 6 months now so hope I can answer anything that could come to your mind or be here for some support. The bio mum really threw as much as she possibly could at us throughout my pregnancy. we were ambushed with messages about how we won’t care about my SD now that our baby was on the way and felt she had a right to photographs of my son when he was born as he was SD’s brother. I really had to battle the idea that my son was just my SD’s brother and not his own person in his own right, it really was very ridiculous. Again, I could write a novel. But I’m always here for any support you need.

Gabby xx

georgia.ejc

Nov 30, 2022

Replying to

Thank you Gabby! It really helps to hear of other people going through similar situations!

Sorry to hear that you had such a tough time with your stepdaughters bio mum when your son was on the way and born. I am already anticipating the trouble it will cause in our dynamic over here too. We have to be so strong and boundaried and it can be exhausting. Requests like the ones made to you can totally distort and confuse your sense of what's right and true to you! I'm glad it sounds like you've worked through the mind games a bit. I do think it is ultimately a gift to an only child to have a sibling and really want to instill that in my stepdaughter, that this is someone who will make her life more beautiful and full in the long run, even if it means a bit less attention in the short term!

Likewise here for chats and support, it can be really hard to untangle situations and emotions!

Georgia xx

amyroseworth

Nov 30, 2022

I’m 25 right now been a step mum for nearly three years to my partners little girl expecting an ours baby in March and find it so tough

rjejames

Nov 30, 2022

I’m 31 with a 12 year old step daughter, met her dad 8 years ago and get married next week and currently no kids of our own. I only know two other people with step children and it’s always so refreshing to talk with them, the emotions you can’t quite describe to others! X

niomejade

Nov 30, 2022

I’m 29 now. But I was 27, I had a 2 year old when I met my current partner. He had 2 children. 4 and 8 years at the time. we then had a little girl last December, she’s coming up to a year. so I went from a 2 year old to now having 4 children In the space of 2 years. we have them 50/50 Thursday to Thursday week on week off. But we have them every Thursday to cover the BM work. So we have them 8 days she has them 6. thats just the basic bit in my life but I’m absolutely here for how hard it is Especially for our age. For myself it was only being a mum to a 2 year old to then having older children that was tough. That’s without the court cases and social services. Lies and control etc.

this is my first ever comment so I feel great finally writing something.

Niomie. X