My husbands ex is a pain in the butt. So much so her own family don't even really like her.
She treated him so badly when they were together. Having multiple affairs and even birthing a child that wasn't his , and he didn't find out until 5 weeks after said child was born. The child still doesn't know and is now 6. Which is frustrating in itself as I want to know what's going on and when the child is going to be told (it's like it's been swept under the carpet and no one is doing anything about it?!) the child also has a sibling who is my husband's biological child.
She has bipolar disorder and is very selfish. Please don't think I'm dissing her MH issues as I have ADHD, anxiety and I am perimenopausal. Us women don't have it easy, right?
The one thing really irking me right now is that she keeps bitching about her boyfriend to her children. There are zero boundaries. She talks to them openly about everything as if they were adults. She moans to them about how this guy eats all their food, uses the petrol in her car, doesn't have a job right now (he's been going through a tough time himself, give him a break!). This guy picks her children up from school, makes them dinner, does other things to support, yet still she just dishes out negativity like hot cakes to the kids. Then when they come to us the first thing they say is they hate her boyfriend and he eats all their food, and parrot what she says about him. Yesterday they said "mummy says he's useless and she also says you're useless daddy".
I'm honestly fuming.
My husband has taken torrent of emotional and verbal abuse from her over the years. He's raising her child as if he were his own, he goes out of his way to do whatever he can to support, he pays above and beyond for child support monthly. He's a bit of a useless drunk, I'd agree there, but no, he's not useless. He is kind, he is caring, he is loving, he is sensitive. And he doesn't deserve her BS, nor does her current boyfriend (why he keeps going back I do not know).
She has a history of self harm, so there have been numerous times we've had to drop everything to go and check on her, and get the kids. She also got my husband put into a jail cell for a night back when they were together as when he found out about the multiple affairs he grabbed her phone which made her fall onto the couch and he then had to attend a six week course on anger management for husbands.
She also complains to the children, and us, all the time that she has no money. She lives in a four bed house, with three designer cats, a new car every year and is on a £50k a year pay cheque. She also gets £200 from my husband every month and £250 from the other child's estranged family, plus any single parent benefits.
Between my husband, his mum, and myself we buy kids extra bits (clothing, bikes, food, treats etc), and make sure they never go without. As well as showering them with love and trying to future proof her damage, although you can only hope for the best who knows what the future holds? They always turn up to us grubby and many times the boys have said that mummy stays in bed a lot so they just sit in the lounge and watch tv at weekends.
She always sends letters and slips around for things like swimming, football, cricket, other activities with a note saying 'can you pay for this?'. It's worth nothing that between myself and my husband we aren't even on her yearly wage as a couple.
What can I do to support my husband? I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. id rather is have the kids FT in a more stable household so they're not surrounded by such negativity.