I've been with my partner for almost 4 years. 3 years ago I moved from Southampton to Cumbria to be with him. I have a 9 year old daughter and he has a 12 year old daughter. I haven't bonded with his daughter at all and I feel a great sense of guilt as I honestly don't enjoy any of the time that she is with us. In this short message I know that I will sound like a twisted idiot but I've put so much effort in and got nothing back. I have a very supportive relationship with my ex who also moved up to Cumbria. My daughter has no loyalty ties and the best thing I heard her say when her dad was having a cup of tea with us was that she thought him and my new partner were good friends. That part of my life is super good. So my step daughter has a very strong loyalty bind to her mum. My partner and his ex have no respect for each other and there is no united front. This has resulted in my step daughter copying her mum and looking down on us. She even comes with her own food as ours isn't branded enough and her dad let's that happen. I feel totally undermined in my own space. He says it's because she has anxiety but I know it's because she's a fussy bum that is never challenged. My partner is so scared that she won't visit that every other weekend the red carpet is rolled out for her. If I challenge it it's always...this is the only time I get with her...We are away on a family caravan trip and I have come to the conclusion that I cannot afford to put myself in this situation again. It all came to ahead when his daughter decided to grab onto him at every opportunity like they were a couple. My daughter just merrily skipping along and me feeling like a spare part. This is an absolute pressure point for me as I feel like his daughter is a direct replacement for me. It's not something I can talk about easily but I can't hack the rejection I get from my step daughter coupled with her claiming her dad at every opportunity. I then end up feeling awful as my partner will just say...you won't stop me from cuddling my daughter...that isn't the point though. I guess a biological mum looks at that fondly whereas I see her as actively pushing me out. There is so much more to my story than this....the struggling to bond, being treated with no respect by a child's mother, my partner being a Disney dad. I just think it's incredibly sad as I think I might have to walk away....anyone else have the same mini wife scenario?
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Hi, I have a similar situation and it’s so hard. I’ve got a 9 year old son, and step daughters who are 11 and 15. I felt like I started to bond with three older one before teenage hormones hit and now I don’t have much of a relationship with her and the younger one is autism and struggles to bond with anyone. I know this is t my fault but it’s difficult not to feel down about it, I’m sad that we have bonded, feel frustrated that as they don’t respect me, and spend most of their time in their rooms when at our house so I don’t have the opportunity to get closer to them. My partner demonstrates a bit of the Disney dad as he’s desperate to spend more time with them and is scared they won’t ant to come any more. They are very close to mum and have refused to come over before 😕
Hi Katie
I feel a bit more in control as I've stopped putting myself out so much or in high risk situations. Thanks for checking up on me.
Just dropping you a note to see how things are going now? X