Hiya,my partner just sent me this article. https://metro.co.uk/2022/06/04/its-a-lot-harder-to-be-a-stepmum-than-a-parent-to-your-own-kids-16745668/
And that's how I've come to be here. My story is almost exactly the same, with one exception. I dont have a child of my own. That aside, my story mirrors and I am at the, side stepping, eggshells, keeping out of the way stage. My partner is understanding and we do communicate about how to improve things but it is extremely difficult. His ex is equally difficult, if not moreso and I have also struggled with the duty of care but not decision making process. I can honestly say, I love my partner to pieces but I'd never do the step parent thing again. just wanted to say hi and more importantly, thank you for this space. Hopefully I can draw some support and suggestions from here, to improve the journey
This is so true. I struggle a lot with this too. I always say I have all the responsibility but none of the rights to make decisions. I struggle so much with being the only parent in the situation who wants to do everything right and remembers all the basic things like uniform and homework. I’m always met with a defensive and aggressive attitude if I try to remind both my partner and the bio mum. But if I didn‘t do anything I think I would still get the same response.
This sentence sums it up so well... "duty of care but not decision making process". It's incredibly hard to have to live with the outputs of decisions you have no say in. In my experience stepmums are incredible at giving and understanding but emotionally detached viewpoint but of course the bio parents have to be willing to listen to stepmum and give her some weight in parenting decisions to get the benefit!
Thank you for getting in touch and let us know how things are going now x
I've just seen this post and totally agree. We tried to live together during lockdown but I moved into what was his previous family home with my son and it was an absolute nightmare. We lasted 4 weeks before I cried and came home. There's been a lot of trauma on his side with his children and mental health issues etc. So I took a massive step back and basically for the last year I've been avoiding spending time with all of us together. I don't want to live my life like this but I'm still young and my son is only 9 so I also don't want to be alone forever. I wish I'd just married the right person the first time around and then I wouldn't be in this predicament!
Welcome... yes I think these are common themes I also experience :)