My partner and his ex have always spent Christmas together with their kids since they split 6 years ago. As we were getting married in 2023, I was told last year was the last time, and that from this year onwards they would begin to split Christmas and take it in turns.
Fast forward to the conversations that have happened this week and SD gets upset at the thought of not seeing her dad at Christmas.
Ex-wife reasons with my now-husband that they can't possibly change anything if it upsets them. They must put the kids views first.
It's an impossible argument to win, but the prospect of spending Christmas Day in my house alone, whilst my husband plays happy families with his ex is horrid. The alternate years are worse - last year I was expected to be out of my own home by 8am to allow the ex to come over (she will not be in the same place as me ever), and I wasn't allowed to return until she had left.
I guess I'm not looking for solutions cos there are none. But just wanted to rant and let off steam.
Aaaargh.
Setting healthy boundaries is important for all relationships. It's important for children to understand and respect the boundaries of the adults in their lives. By leaving your home on Christmas Day, you may inadvertently send the message that your needs and boundaries are not as important.
Leaving your own home on Christmas Day to accommodate your stepchildren's mother may have emotional implications for you what happens if you have your own children together? It's important to consider your own well-being and emotional needs, personally this would be a step too far for me.
Open and honest communication is key in blended families. It's important to have a discussion with your husband and the children about the situation, and to find a solution that takes everyone's feelings and needs into account.
Personally I’d be putting my foot down. It's important to teach children about empathy, consideration for others, and the importance of compromise. While it's true that children need to learn that they can't always have their way and that everyone's needs are important, it's also crucial to validate their feelings and help them understand how to navigate their emotions in a healthy way. Teaching children about empathy and understanding can help them develop into compassionate and considerate individuals who can balance their own needs with the needs of others. It's about finding a balance between acknowledging their feelings and helping them understand the perspectives and needs of others.
Oh wow....
Husband has a decision to make; either he splits Christmases with his ex or his ex (if doing this for the children) needs to welcome you into the fold now you are married and the children's bonus mum.
Them not making this decision undermines your position in the family, no?
What is mum's issue with you? What entitles them not to allow you Christmas with your husband!
I'm frustrated on your behalf!! Hope this gets sorted
Hang on… you had to leave your home? Was this because you wanted to or because you were told to?
That sounds a bit unreasonable. I have to be honest, also, does it not confuse your SD? I understand putting children first but they also have to understand that sometimes things don't work out the way they want them to in life ...