Hey , I've been with my partner for 3 years. He has 2 girls and I have 1 boy. my oh has a lot of dad guilt. We have the girls almost half the time each week.
I'm really really struggling , and I feel like I'm going a little insane if I'm honest and I have absolutely no one to talk to who will understand. I get that I'm never going to be a priority but sometimes I feel like I'm treated so so unfairly and I need to air with someone. The girls are not an issue , honestly they are great . And we get on fine. it's my oh. He's told be before that I'm lower on the pecking order and I'll never come first. For example when I contracted covid for the first time his first response was " what have you achieved taking a test, now I can't see the girls" . He then spent every night taking the girls out for tea and didn't spend any time making sure I was ok and I was quite unwell. I was so lonely. I ask for date night and he says we spend week nights after work together so if we don't get date night doesn't matter. My thoughts are this really isn't valuable time and we're the foundation of the children's life. If we don't look after it and cracks show it impacts them and their stability.
We had a family week away last week and the youngest contracted a nasty bug , he was due to have the girls today and the eldest has now started. He was understandably upset because the drive is 40 mins one way. He said he was going over to persuade them to come over which I think is really selfish. The girls poorly and been sick ten times. Anyways I didn't say anything I just tried to hold his hand 3 times to comfort him , he pulled away and said I do not want to hold your hand this isn't about you. Although I get this , this isn't nice.
Anyone in a blended family will know getaways are hard , especially couple weekend away. Last year we were selling a house and I said once sold please can me and you getaway for 3 days. It had been stressful . Instead he ignored this and used our time to go to Latvia with the lads.
If I cry and get upset he gets angry , and has absolutely no empathy. I get he has dad guilt , I get hes probably depressed. But has any other step mum experienced this ? is this normal to be treated like you are nothing . It's like he doesn't have enough love to go around.
Honestly I could go on .
OP - not to be rude, but does you OH have a personality disorder? Fully understand that kids come first but not at the jeopardy of your health or your childs health.
There are times when you could and should come first and a date night is not a big thing to ask for!!
I hope you can get through to your OH. Can you see yourself living like this the rest of your life? Sending virtual support x
Not the only one here.
I am consistently reminded that I am lower down the pecking order, which I understand. The reminding though, isn't necessary. I consistently get "well if he didn't like you it would have been game over, never see you again"
Not to complain, my partner is incredibly supportive but I am with you on the reminding. Sometimes I feel like I'm this visitor who's being granted access.
You are not going insane you are just being treated insanely badly. I've had so many struggles with my step parenting blended family but my partner has always made me feel special and loved. When someone treats you badly like this and you have self esteem issues it's a downwards spiral. Please protect yourself as this sounds like an emotionally abusive situation for you. Take care xx
Hearing your story made me cry for you.
I think you deserve better than this. While you’re not married to this guy and have no kids with him, honestly I run.
Put yourself first and cut ties while you can. This is never going to get any better for you. I’m so sorry. X