Hi everyone I'm new to this group recently been listening to the podcast which has help me alot in thinking on how to deal with situations. So I'm a stepmum to 2 boys 9&11 who have recently come to live with us full time (social services recommendation.) This part can be stressful in its own way. I'm finding the constant bickering and telling tails very annoying and on times stressful as it can turn into a full blown argument for no reason before living with us full time we had them over every weekend I don't remember them being this bad then and also when they stayed with us in Nov 2022 for 4 weeks due to a house fire they definitely weren't this bad. I feel I can't cope sometimes I dread waking them up in the morning for school because I know as soon as they open their eyes they start on each. Find it stressful that I'm constantly having to remind them to do little things like brush their teeth put dirty washing in the basket. Yesterday morning I cried as the thought of waking them up for school was just to much.
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SJ I hear the pain in your post!
Would you be open to me sending you a message with some tips and thoughts? X
First off, I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now. The transition from shared to full custody can be a really difficult one, like moving from fun aunt to drill sargent. If you ever want to vent, I am more than happy to listen. There could be lots of reasons behind an increase in arguments between the boys, perhaps they are feeling unsettled after the move (not saying at all that they aren't in a great situation with you but all change can cause changes), or perhaps its the opposite, maybe they feel more at home and they are letting loose a bit more than they used to? My stepdaughter came to us in a similar way and I felt at times like she was a completely different child but setting boundaries, consistency and working out the root cause to address it made a lot of difference. As for reminding them about having to do everything.. if you dig up a secret for that one you may have to start selling it because our monster is 14 and I STILL have to chase her with a toothbrush