I am aware fully of how resentful I have become and I truly hate it, I'm a mummy of a almost 2 year old and my SD came to live with us when he was 5 months old, after years of back and forth and a year exact to the day my bf filed a CAO it happened again! The Bio mum abruptly moved 100miles and became a nightmare as soon as I became pregnant. We had difficulties prior to this with my SD having to come stay with us more often I actually found out I was expecting during the 6th removal of my SD being with us, I had tried my best at the beginning of my step journey to be amicable with the mum for the child's sack and soon became a support network with no boundies of my own, I started putting these in over the months after lovkdown when I finally moved 45 mins away from my whole life and network. I moved closer to support the distance for father and daughter but we never had the celebration of moving in together etc cause problems started I also have mental health and am strong minded in not allowing my SD seeing the worst where her mum seemed to cry wolf often that we all rallied round to support. A month after we announced our baby news it hit a new low (police were also involved) when we accidentally found out about her move, she later lied tht it fell through and little did we know at 22 weeks pregnant his daughter was removed from school early and off they fled with major safeguarding concerns and no address we were on eggshells to when we would see SD again, visits started again and as soon as I had my child she became more problematic than I could imagine now causing my bf who doesn't drive to travel 3 hours on trains leaving me suffering with a traumatic birth and postnatal depression for 2 days for his travel every other week, school holidays were issues and while she made out she was child focus was just getting boozed up neglecting the SD feeding her lies about how we didn't want her, we tried from when we were trying fir a baby to involve her and continued but due to not seeing her for 2 months she missed the belly pop, baby shower and more. I have always tried putting myself in her shoes and never wanted her to feel pushed out so never behaved that way, then fast forward to Easter 2022 like 6 times before we get a worrying call less that 24 hours after dropping her to the station for handover with mum turns out booze and drugs have been a factor for the last 8 months even worst than before this past year we hadn't known her address to do a welfare check etc back she comes and the puzzle pieces start to fit, we chased the C100 he filed the year before up and in July 2023 a judge ruled in favour of living with me and her dad
Although I know deep down its probably for the best I still am extremely depressed and burnt out I am just about staying afloat and now I'm a mum of 2 this experience has cost me my First as a mum, my pregnancy was overshadowed constantly by the drama I spent the 23 months of my sons life either picking up the damage or too depressed to enjoy him, I am resentful towards my bf and while the Bio mum mental health has improved suppose 2 holidays aboard can do that! I have dipped really low we don't get any financial support from the mother (you want her full time you pay for her) we provide everything and on top still paying £150 travel cost for her to see her mum. I'm constantly being rejected, spoken to rudely and used by bf, SD and Bio mum I am angry i am sad I am depressed I am struggling. No family or friends close by to lend a hand a bf who just plays games after work and a massive spectrum of mum guilt for not providing my child with fresh air or shoes that fit. To make life more challenging let me throw in a house move, me sorting that out from start to finish a clingy tiddler and a SD who slyly records, stirs up trouble and then smiles when everyone argues cause of it. I only tried to do right by her make sure she has a childhood and is safe yet I am lonely in so many ways and rather than bf taking responsibility I'm left juggling it all.
I honestly don't know where I'm going with this post I've left so much out but how do you get help? I've got another appointment regarding my mental health yet so far nothing been affective.