I’ve been living with my partner for 10 months and he has a son that stays 2.5 days per week and for longer during the holidays. Me and my partner have had and still have very different expectations for when his son visits.
He expects a 50/50 parenting style where I am with them for the whole time and gets upset if I want to do my own thing for a couple or have half a day to myself. Ideally I want a whole day to myself and to feel also during some part of all our time I can go to my room for a couple of hours and do my own thing. My partner says he feels lonely.
I’ve explained that I like to do trips, I like to hang out for a few hours and this is enough for me. He says they feel rejected and he feels like a single parent and we should be parenting together.
We are not married. I’m his girlfriend. I feel like there is pressure and guilt every week and I start to get overwhelmed before his son even arrives.
I accept that my partner is emotionally unavailable to me when his son is here and that we don’t spend time together til the son is asleep and that also his son does need quality time with his dad.
We have been going in circles where I think he understands and then he acts hurt when I want to do my own thing. I want to come and go and build a relationship with his son with what feels right. Often I feel like my partner tries to make me fill the hole left by his ex wife when she left and he is scared of being a single parent. I feel my role is to be a supportive girlfriend and a fun person for his son. I feel suffocated and want things to be different for 2023.