Okay so this me! Does anyone else find it really difficult to share or suggest alternative ways of doing things when you aren't actually a 'parent' yet? I always have thoughts around how I would handle things with my own children but it's hard to share those when they are just thoughts because you have never done it before, you feel like you don't have the right to? Like you're being judgemental!
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Being a parent when you're not a parent!
Being a parent when you're not a parent!
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Yes I do! And I do say it to my partner. Sometimes he’s very defensive, other times he agrees. He does sometimes say he thinks my mind will change when I have kids.
i think it’s easier to see things as an outsider so you’re quick to comment but actually in reality would you do the same when you had kids?
eg when Im with my partner and he gives SD dessert - usually some portioned sweets and chocolate, I’m thinking she shouldn’t be having that much sugar as she gets a lot of treats anyway (She’s spoilt by grandparents) but when I took Her out the other week I was happy to give those treats to her! So maybe it’s almost a resentment thing?
I really appreciate all these comments! It's nice to hear positive reinforcement that I do have a 'place' to share suggestions when it comes to time in our family home and also to know there are others in a very similar situation to me ... I also don't have any friends, family members etc with the same set up as myself. It can feel quite overwhelming when I have all these thoughts and feelings and no one who will really understand! Which is why this forum is a blessing and will help so many of us to have a safe space to share and exchange with people who do understand ❤
I feel this, I've been doing this for three years now and still find it extremely difficult. I don't have anyone who I can ask for help and support as I don't know anyone in this situation :( the kids stepdad has children of his own so I can't even get advice from him as he knows how to be a parent. Will I have to have a child of my own for this feeling of "being a crap parent who doesn't know what they are doing" goes away???
When she is with you it is up to you and her Dad.... unless obviously things have been agreed with the mother (me and my ex try and have similar approaches to bedtimes and diet for our son but it's all very "normal" so not problematic.) You probably have some really nice ideas about how things should be done for your SD :)
I'm full of.ideas and ways of doing things. I think as we have just set a new family dynamic it's absolutely ok to suggest ways of doing things. It's part of a trusting relationship to agree and set guidelines for your new unit. I understand how it may feel like it's not your place as I often feel the same, but let's remember this is your new family and you have an equal share in how things work
I think its FINE to have these suggestions... helpful even. Every new situation I have with my bio kids is new and I am just trying my best and it really shouldn't be different for you as a stepmum. I can see why you might feel a bit like that though... Is your partner supportive of you having ideas and suggestions?